Why You Can't Find a Lover...

Robert Eddison

Do you ever ask yourself why you haven’t fallen in love? There are almost as many people asking themselves this question as there are answers. Having low self-esteem all too often explains why we haven’t fallen in love. 

Let someone think we’re wonderful and fall in love with us. We can feel the same about them, but still rebuff them because we don’t feel worthy of their love. We often hide this reason from ourselves as it’s too painful to face. But if we can face this reality, we are most unlikely to divulge it to a prospective partner, who, in turn, will wrongly assume we don’t value them.
The answer of course is to raise our self-esteem and feel worthy of another’s love. Self-esteem can take years to build and the more we achieve in work and relationships, the quicker it will build. 

The obverse is also true; an inflated view of our importance can have us thinking we’re too good for people. No one likes to be looked down on and any thought that they could love us will be stillborn.  

Being over-anxious also kills any incipient love that others may feel for us. The best love matches are between equals and any hint of desperation puts a begging bone in our hands; love is not usually about charity. 

But there are even exceptions to this rule. True carers, who care as much about others as about themselves, can be attracted to vulnerability. Unlike the majority, they don’t see love matches as being between equals; they see them as a rescue operation.

Money and power can, paradoxically, also block another’s love for us as it all too easily leads to arrogance. Because most things are achieved by the rich and powerful, they can all too easily assume that love is also for the taking. Little do they realise that people don’t like being taken for granted and that love has to be earned.  

Oddly, poverty can sometimes attract love more than wealth as it proves that you’re being loved for yourself and not for your money. It's true that people are also attracted to money and power, but they’re likely to marry for that, and not for love.